Am I the only one who thinks about her own funeral?

Yesterday in church, our pastor spoke of Abram and Sarai and their legacy. How the whole world was blessed through Abram’s seed. He shared a book his daughter gave him for Christmas which told his life story. Sharing with him all the fond memories she has with him and beginning to see his legacy.

I sit there, in the third row, and cry. I am like Sarai – I have not given birth to any children. I have helped nurture and mold young women through our youth group but I haven’t given birth to any of my own. Truly, I am ok with that.

When we didn’t have any children, we decided that we weren’t going to do all of the fertility stuff and we didn’t want to adopt. God was, and is, bigger than anything modern science could do. He has blessed us with so many children through friends who simply share their kids with us. We have a beautiful niece (and Godchild) now. God is so good to us and blesses us so undeservedly.

Yet, when I think about my funeral, I wonder who will stand by my casket and greet the mourners. I suppose that it’s a strange thing to wonder about. Yet I wonder about it. Then I wonder if there will be mourners – I realize that’s a big assumption too.

I want to live my life so that I am having an impact on those around me. I want people to miss me when I’m gone. I also want them to remember me.

As a teacher, each lesson has an objective. Basically, it states what I hope the students will learn in order to do something when they leave class, when they are “without me”. In a recent discipleship class, we had to come up with a life goal, our life’s objective, if you will. This is mine: I will meet people where they are spiritually to encourage people along their spiritual walk.

Sunday morning a group of our teens performed in church, three of the four teens, I believe that I have had some impact on. I sat there so proud of them and how they have grown up. How they are still maturing. How they are seeking to serve Christ. Wondering how I can push them along? J

Identity - Who am I?

Have you seen the new International Delight commercials on television? A security guard or police officer asks a woman for id, she pulls out a quart-sized bottle from her purse and offers him International Delight creamer for his coffee and he forgets her offense. This is pretty far-fetched, seriously if we could get out of traffic violations with coffee creamer – “What a wonderful world it would be?”


It did make me think though, what is my id? I don’t mean my name – I mean – who am I? Who do people say I am? 

Most of the time if you ask for my identity I will tell you “I am a teacher” and while this is true – it is only part of the story. See I am also a wife, daughter, sister, friend and aunt. (I have the most beautiful niece and she is smart!) Yet I don’t often think of those other titles. I am also an American, a Christian and a fat, white woman. :)

A couple weeks ago in church our Pastor and Youth Pastor were co-preaching and somehow the account of the “Rich Young Ruler” was mentioned. (You can find the story in Mark 10:17 – 27.) The man approached Jesus and asked how he could inherit eternal life. He had kept all of the commandments since he was a boy. Jesus looked at him, assessing the person, and said “One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” The Bible tells us that the man went away sad, because he had many properties. He was wealthy. I mean, the title of the account, is “The Rich Young Ruler.” 

Our youth pastor said, “God attacked the man’s identity – to follow Christ we have to be willing to die to our self and pick up our cross and follow Him.” 

Earlier this year, my teaching was under attack at school. I couldn’t understand how I went from being a teacher of the year finalist to being under this humiliating scrutiny. When I had gone through this process, our principal said, “I think you having to do all of this was a ‘fluke’.” I smiled and hugged her, happy to be free from the scrutiny. Later I was angry – but when I considered the words of our youth pastor, “God attacked the man’s identity.” It all made sense. 

My identity is to be a child of God; a sinner saved by grace; a disciple of Jesus. My identity needs to come from who God is – not what I do; not what I believe I am good at; not who I know on earth. My identity needs to be Christ! When people see me, they should see Jesus. 

Which brings me to the question, “who are you?”

How are you doing, Patty?

If you have a Facebook account, you have seen this question. I think it is interesting that when a person asks this question, we typically answer, “fine.” For some strange reason, when staring at the computer screen, faced with the same question, we answer the question truthfully. I find people are typing things on Facebook, they may not vocalize to another human being. When I see that, I ask myself . . .

"Are we losing touch with other humans?"

I worry about the future of our world. I worry about marriages when today’s teens get married. They are a texting generation. I have seen two teenagers, who are sitting in the same room, text the person sitting next to them. How will they communicate?

I am a teacher. This week I asked a student a direct question and he chose not to respond. I waited. I explained waiting was good. The student still didn't respond. I then decided to review some material that may help him answer the question. I had other students chomping at the bit to answer the question. The selected student still sits mute. I ask the question again. He remains silent. Now we have spent 5 minutes with this exercise, in futility. I call on another student, who immediately answers the question correctly and ask my co-teacher to take over the lesson and ask the student to step into the hall with me. He does not respond. I move over and stand by the door; I call his name and motion for him to step outside in the hall with me. He doesn't move. One of my favorite students says to him, “Hey, she wants to talk to you out in the hall. She is motioning for you!” He then mumbles something under his breath. I have no idea what he said, but hey he said something! I ask him to repeat it, he sits silent. So his “elbow partner” says, “He said, this is ridiculous. And he is not going in to the hall with you.” Again, one of my favorite students says to him, “You better go.” He refuses my request. Seriously! He refused to step into the hall with me. To which I say, “Here are your choices, talk with me in the hall; or go talk in the office.” He chose the office. I followed him and we had our chat with an assistant principal.

But seriously, why didn't he respond. Turns out - He doesn't like me! “I rub him the wrong way!” is what he told the assistant principal who attacked as our mediator. The AP explained to the student that he may not like me but he still had to talk to me in class.

When did it become socially acceptable to simply not speak, when you are directly spoken to?

Later that period, another student had not been actively engaged in class. We had asked her to participate multiple times. She would pretend for a couple of seconds and then check out. I filled out an intervention slip for her and took it back for her signature and was prepared to send her out. She signed the slip but she didn't leave, she simply leaned back and continued texting!!!!! Yes, I said, TEXTING!!!! So I followed school policy by reminding her of school policy and asking her to turn off the cell phone. She ignored me. So I repeated my request. Again, I’m ignored. Now I change the request, “Give me the cell phone.” A response, “I’m not giving you this cell phone. I’m leaving anyway, does it even matter?” Again I calmly repeat to turn the phone off and turn it over to me. Then she says, “Why are you still talking? You keep repeating yourself. I’m not even listening.” And she goes on . . .

Yes, I am worried about the future generation that would rather communicate with electronics than people or with people via electronics than face to face. We are losing something. We are losing the face to face connection in person.

Even at the bank drive thru, I can’t see the teller until the video camera is turned on. I’m not sure how I feel about that. That is also true when I go into the bank and conduct bank business that uses a teller with the telephone and video camera. I get privacy and all but really? I kind of always thought banking would be face to face.

So what of these ramblings of mine? A challenge. Talk to people! Talk directly to people! Don’t talk about other people, but speak, listen and have a conversation! Enjoy the time people give you. Don’t spend it communicating with someone who didn't give you their time. Value people!

Legacy . . .

Ray Lewis is retiring. Today could be the last time he plays professional football. It is the last time he will play in front of his city – Baltimore. I’m not a Ravens fan. To be honest when I hear Ray Lewis – I remember him being charged with a double murder in Atlanta in 2000. Shame on me! When I asked my students how they felt about Ray Lewis retiring there was a mixed response. I don’t really know how well 15 – 17 year olds can understand what it means to retire.


I asked them why they thought he was retiring, kind of like, why now? One of my students explained that he had done some research and discovered that Ray is retiring because he enjoyed spending time with his sons while recovering from his torn triceps injury. He son, a senior at a high school in Florida, has also received a full-ride for college. In an article, his son said, “Dad said if I got a full ride, he would be there.” He is going to be there.


Ray mentioned the sacrifice his children have made while he has played football for 17 years in Baltimore. How they have lived without their dad in their lives. He decided he is going to spend time with them. I say, “Kudos.” And I mean that. I’m not being sarcastic in any way at all. I love when men, and women, chose family!


Ray Rice, another Ravens player, said, ““Mentally, he has raised me over the last couple of years. My locker is right next to his, and I just can't picture Baltimore without him. He has kids, but I was one of his kids.” – Baltimore Sun.


Yes, Ray Lewis was accused of a double murder 12 years ago. Ray’s legacy is so much bigger than that. He has founded charitable organizations in Baltimore and Florida. He loves his kids. He has mentored many professional football players, coaches and young people. He provides school supplies for underprivileged children. He has done a lot for the city of Baltimore, the Ravens and the NFL.


What kind of legacy will I leave?  This question never really goes away from me. It's something I find myself pondering often. Today more so because of Ray Lewis.

On Thursday, one of my students asked me something about my funeral – which is odd – as I’m not sick. But I explained how I wanted to have a song by the Crabb Family playing, “Ain’t No Grave (gonna hold this body down)” and then have the casket rigged so that I would sit up. She wanted to know if I would be singing one of my trig songs when I sat up, so I said yes.


The more I think of that interaction, the happier it makes me. She knows me as her trig teacher and she thinks that is where my passion is. The students in my youth group think that my passion is with them. The truth is my passion is letting people see Jesus. That means doing my best for my master in every situation. I think that when people around you believe that they are the most important person to you when they are there – that you are being Jesus to them.


Jesus loved unconditionally. He made people fell loved. He made people feel valued and important. He didn’t compromise his standards or values, but he loved everyone. When He was with someone, He was there. He wasn’t checking His cell phone, planning His next trip, reviewing His schedule. He was with that person.


Even when He was one the way to heal a man’s daughter and the crowd was following Him. He felt power go out from Him and acknowledged the woman who had touched the hem of His garment. (Matthew 9: 18 – 26) Even when He arrived at the man’s house to heal his daughter, he had the distractions, non-believers removed. He made people feel special.

I’m not trying to connect Ray Lewis and Jesus here. I’m considering legacy. What will be my legacy? What will be your legacy?

A lesson to carry over . . .

I love my car radio. I love to listen to the radio. Let me be specific - I love to listen to music on the radio. My favorite station is WRBS. Today the afternoon personalities, Jack and Erin, posed the question, "what lesson did you learn in 2012 that you are going to carry with you into 2013?"

I've been pondering that this evening . . . I believe that I have learned A LOT in 2012. 

What ONE lesson did I learn that I will carry to 2013? I am not in control. I don't have to be in control. Worrying can't change anything - especially the things that I can't control.

God is in control. There are a number of songs and verses out there that encourage me in this endeavor to carry this lesson. Twila Paris - God is in Control. Kathy Troccoli - My Life is in Your Hands. And more recently, Chris Tomlin - Whom Shall I Fear. I love these songs. I find myself singing them and relaxing as their comforting words wash over me. 

While I'm not in control, as Chris Tomlin sings:

I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of Angel Armies

Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever 

He is a friend of mine 

The God of Angel Armies 

Is always by my side 

Chris Tomlin references  a scripture in 2 Kings 6: 8 - 23; where in verse 17, 

And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

This song reminds me - while I'm not in control - I don't see and know everything going on around me either. It also reminds me that I am definitely not alone.

Do we have tweezers?

I love my husband - I really do. We are approaching our thirteenth wedding anniversary. I enjoy being married to him. We laugh together and entertain each other and have a great time. Our first date was a blind date and was the day after my birthday - so I often refer to him as my birthday gift from God. God really does give the best gifts.

For those of you who are married you know that some times, funny stuff just happens.

My husband believes that I snore. I don't believe I snore - I do believe that I have started to talk in my sleep - not really sure why - but I DO NOT snore.  His solution to this is for him to wear ear plugs to bed. 

One morning last week, my husband wakes up to go to work. Before he gets out of bed he asks, "Do we have tweezers in the bathroom?" Thinking that this is an odd first question of the day, I asked him to repeat it. Which I have to repeat, because he is wearing earplugs. He explains, "Are there tweezers in the bathroom?" I answer him loudly, "Yes, they are in the bathroom, living room, hall bathroom, my purse, yes we have tweezers." He sighs and explains, "My earplugs are stuck and I need to get them out with the tweezers." 

Now you, like my husband, could be wondering, "Why do you have tweezers everywhere?" The answer is simple really - "You never know when you will look in the mirror and see a chin hair that wasn't there before and now you must remove it with tweezers."

And we laughed!

Wishing you a year filled with laughter and memories!