I feel defeated.
So I’ve been out of sorts, seeing everything wrong as a result of something I’ve done. I could only see my failures and places that weren’t thriving.
It’s a normal day. Things are good. I got up, I got dressed, I made all the normal decisions for my life. Then boom, all of the sudden, I’m not me any more. I look the same. I may even sound the same, but I’m not the same. Something snapped inside of me. I think I even felt it. Now, I can’t sleep, eat or think about anything. Yet all of these thoughts keep coming at me. Help me. I don’t want to be this way.
I open Facebook and see a post from a friend’s daughter. Referencing 2 Kings 4, since I cant sleep anyway, I look it up and read it.
See, I’ve been feeling out of sorts. I feel like change is brewing. Unsure of the change, the type of change or when the change will occur, all I do know is I can feel it pressing in on me. I’ve prayed and asked him to prepare me for what’s coming. Asked him to show me the next steps. What do I do next? I’m a great step follower. I hear nothing from him. I’m questioning if how I carry out my calling is changing, I hear nothing. I get frustrated. I start to notice ways that I didn’t meet the expectations of my calling. People I invested in are making poor choices. People I used to be super close to are drifting further from my grasp. People at work are changing and I’m not always sure where I fit in my own life. I mean it’s one thing to feel uninvited to someone else’s life, but to your own life, is a crazy feeling.
Anyhow, I turn to 2 Kings 4 and read the story of the poor widow. Now this lady was down on her luck. She’s having a bad day, preparing for the creditors to take away her sons, when Elisha encounters her. He wants to help and asks her, “What do you have?” (I can almost hear her tone of voice, aren’t you listening, I have nothing!) then she remembers the small jar of oil. Elisha gives her some instructions that she follows. She is able to gather enough oil to pay her debts and live.
You know, as I read the passage, I have a few questions. She didn’t ask any, she just obeyed. But I think the part of the scripture that spoke volumes to me was when Elisha asked her what she had. He didn’t ask about her past, or her future; he asked about her present.
I believe we are anxious about tomorrow or next week or next month, but God wants to know what we are doing with what we have now! How are you using what you have now? Where are you now? I swear it’s like we think he forgot about us. He put us where we are. We were placed for a purpose. We are to bring him glory where we are now and let the rest worry about itself.
