NYC for me AGAIN!

NYC FOR ME!

This afternoon I decided to listen to the playlists for NYC2019 while I was getting ready for some other things. I was overwhelmed by God. As the song, “Do It Again” was playing I found myself remembering my first NYC, eight years ago.  I found myself stopping to pray that God would meet me there again.

See there are 2 very distinct memories I have from 2011. One occurred during worship time. I looked around and all these teenagers are lifting their hands I surrender to God’s plan for their life.i found a cynical prayer to God in my head, “For all they know, you could send them to Africa!” I swear to you he responded, “What does it matter where I send them, I sent you to Edgewood.” Humbling. I remember because I was considering transferring to a different high school or changing districts that year. I know God spoke and I know I was supposed to be there.

The second vivid memory was from one of the concerts. Teens were given opportunity to be I the “mosh pit” for David Crowder’s concert.  One of the students who won had some physical disadvantages and it was decided that he shouldn’t be part of the pit. However as the other students were taking their positions in the pit, this youngster stood in front of me with his crutches. I was like”Dude, what the heck.” Then a man came over and spoke with him and shook his hand and hugged him. I thought it was odd, I looked at our youth pastor who was a few seats over and he mouthed, “That’s David Crowder.” All of the sudden, I realized what was going on, I was one person and a railing away from David Crowder. It was the second time that week that I heard God. “Patty, how often have I been in front of you and you didn’t recognize me?” Ouch!

See that’s what’s awesome about God and NYC. I can’t wait to go again.  I want to hear from God and I want to be thee while others hear God speak into their lives.  It that God only speaks during NYC, he speaks all the time, we have to be listening. So many times since then I’ve seen him right in front of me, I’ve heard his voice. I am so excited for this next journey.

Here we go AGAIN

My dad has cancer. Yes, a mere 6 weeks ago, the oncologist said, “Praise God!” Because there was no evidence of cancer. Today, he was back to the Same oncologist who told him the cancer is BACK and very aggressive this time.

We still believe God is in control. We still know God's got this. We have hope; Hope doesn’t mean we deny reality, but we see reality and trust God's sovereignty.

He must have treatment. The goal is to start next week. Please pray with us that
1. We can get started sooner rather than later.
2. Dad responds positively to the treatment.
3. We will stay encouraged throughout this process.

Easter Lessons

I miss my friend Lisa.  These are the things I would share with her if we were able to have coffee this weekend.

Hey all,

So I did Lent a little different this year. This year instead of giving up something, a few friends, D, A and T decided to read a book by Alicia Britt Chole entitled 40 Days of Decrease. I learned so much from this book. Things I hadn’t thought about before.

1. Jesus knew that Judas was his betrayer, yet he still served him communion. WOW! He knew and Judas ate too. He even washed his feet.

2. On Resurrection Sunday, there was an earthquake (Matthew 28:2) and an angel came down. The earthquake was to move the stone, so that the women could see that Jesus was no longer entombed. The stone wasn’t move so Jesus could get out, but so that the women could get in. I NEVER thought of that.

3. The cathedral of Notre Dame burned and people were very sad. Even things that stood for hundreds of years can fall without warning. You had no idea that you were going to die Lisa. I wish we’d have known. I would have asked more questions. I would have tried to prepare myself somehow. I don’t think I could have prepared myself any way. In the book, the disciples lost Jesus and the author explains that it was like a dream dying. She also says, it’s ok  to take time to mourn the loss of a dream. It’s ok to rest, mourn and “prepare the spices” for burial.

4. My Dad got great news. His bloodwork and cat scans show no signs of cancer. The oncologist will not say he’s cancer free, but he’s definitely doing great.

Check out the book @ 40 Days of Decrease

Hope and Charlie Brown, Be My Valentine

Friday evening my husband and I were watching Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown. 

I always identified with Charlie Brown. I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I had a few close friends and that was it. I wasn't ever really popular, I recognized it and I was OK with that. 

Unlike Charlie Brown, we had rules for students for Valentine's Day. Teachers sent home lists of the students in the class and you were to bring valentines in for each student, whether you liked them or not. So I never felt like Charlie did, while everyone else got a Valentine and I sat silently, simply waiting, with his empty briefcase to carry all of his valentines home.

Yet Charlie Brown never gives up hope. At one point Charlie Brown receives a valentine from a classmate. The valentine is used, the classmate erased their name and wrote Charlie's name instead. Schroeder is outraged and yells at the classmate and his insensitivity to offer Charlie a used  valentine. Charlie Brown interrupts Schroeder and says that he will gladly accept the used valentine. Later we see Linus and Charlie Brown discussing the day. Charlie Brown is sharing how excited he is having received his first valentine. He then looks to the future hoping that next year he'll receive numerous valentines. 

Life is like this. We get beat up everyday. We try new things, some work and others don't. We talk to new people and some like us, but other don't. We get knocked down and yet we can choose to get back up. We can choose to hope that tomorrow will be better. Or we can choose that tomorrow we will get knocked down and decide to simply stay down. 

This is where I really identify with Charlie Brown. I choose hope! I choose joy! I choose love! I don't want to believe that all people are cruel and mean and want to destroy us. I know that is how Satan works - he seeks to kill and destroy. I know that as a Christian. Jesus came to seek and save the lost, that means me. He told us that he came that we may have LIFE and have it to the FULL!!! (John 10:10)

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is in Habakkuk 3:17 - 19. We have a choice in how we respond to our circumstances. We can wallow in self-pity and be destroyed or we can choose JOY and overcome. I choose JOY! I pray that you will too.

Closed doors

Today in the 100 Days to Brave book, Annie Downs challenged us to write about a door we know is closed. Here’s my story.

Several years ago, I got the notion that I had “done my time” in Edgewood and I deserved a transfer. Several of my coworkers and friends had transferred and suggested that I transfer too. I submitted my paperwork for transferring within county. Some of my friends worked a one of the schools I had selected to transfer to and they each spoke to the principal there on my behalf. As time was drawing near, I had an interview and the principal said he had heard great and fabulous things about me and that I would be offered the transfer. He even said the words, “sometimes people just deserve a break.” I thought “YES! He understands.” I was all set to transfer, and then God started speaking to my heart. I wasn’t being released from Edgewood. As a result, and in obedience, I withdrew my request for transfer.

A few years later, the itch for change came again. I again submitted my transfer request. I selected a school in county were a former assistant principal worked. He spoke highly of me and suggested the principal hire me. I even had dreams where the former AP and I were touring the building as they often do with interviewees, and we paused at a classroom and he handed me the keys and welcomed me to the school. I found out later that he had recommended that the principal hire me, but the principal went in a different direction. I wasn’t too upset, more just disappointed than anything else.

That summer I attended the Global Leadership Summit with members of my church. During one of the sessions, a speaker, I don’t remember which one, gave each participant a piece of a cracked flower pot.  The message was simple. At GLS, sometimes it seems all we do is glorify the overachievers, the super successful, the people who started with 5 or 10 and now serve 5 and 10 thousand, but the truth is most of us weren’t called to those places. Most of us do all the right things and we still don’t see the fruits of our labors. Most of us simply put, have “Hard Callings.” He encouraged us to right on our piece of broken pottery, what our hard calling was. I quickly scribbled, EHS.

I believe it was one or two summers after that, I was blessed to attend Nazarene Youth Conference, NYC. I was still in that phase where I thought maybe, I could leave EHS. I remember one service where the band was leading worship singing some song about following God wherever he leads and I looked around and saw all these teenagers with upraised arms and open hands. I remember thinking, they have no idea what they are saying or committing too. What if God sends them to Africa. Then I heard a soft voice, “I called you to Edgewood.” I was overcome. Here I was thinking, trying and devising a plan to leave the calling God had given me. That’s when I knew. Leaving Edgewood is a closed door for me, at least right now.

Teaching at EHS is a hard calling, but it is my calling.

Walking Wounded.

Walking Wounded

I heard this song on the radio this morning. “Warrior” by Hannah Kerr. She encouraged all of us to think of ourselves as warriors. Truth be told, today I feel worthless. Yesterday many of my students did poorly on an exam. Yesterday my friend got bad news regarding her health. Then all of the sudden, I felt this weight land on my shoulders. 

See a little over 3 weeks ago my best friend died. It was out of the ordinary. It was unexpected.  She and I had coffee earlier that day. Later her husband called to tell me she passed away. I did not believe him. I don’t think I believed him until I went to the funeral and they closed the casket, with her inside. 

I haven’t been to our Starbucks since she passed away.  Lisa was my person. It wasn’t real until I told her. Since she’s not here to tell, how can her death be real. 

Anyhow, I dealt with her death the way I deal with everything else, I just did the next thing.  I went into caregiving mode and tried to make sure the needs of the family she left behind was cared for. They were a wreck, still are actually. I had them down for dinner. Stopped over and told them food. Talked them through the laundry. I did what I could to help them heal. All the while, ignoring my own loss.  

Half way through the month, one of my mentors/friends died. She’d been sick for s long time. She. Didn’t want a viewing just a funeral. We knew she’d been ill and expected her to die. It wasn’t a shock, yet I still felt the loss.

I’ve been doing this book, 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs. The other days assignment was to send a card to someone who has been influential in your life and thank them for the influence.   The first people I thought of were the people I had just lost. Again a crushing weight landed on my shoulders.

My other great friend has been battling cancer and recently was hospitalized to receive the port for her chemo. When this happened they found another mass in her right lung and that the nodule from before had grown. She was expecting to be home yesterday. When I messaged her to see how she was, she simply said the news wasn’t good and she couldn’t talk now. 

That brings me to this morning, when I went to get Kleenex from the nurse. I stopped by guidance to mention something to them about a student, the counselor asked “Did you come into cry?” All of the sudden, that’s all I could think of doing. Next thing I know that’s all I can do. I’m overwhelmed with grief and loss.  Thankfully I work with great people, who supported me and understood I needed to cry it out. The covered my classes so I could go home and cry.

Last night I was chatting with one of my friends. She said something like, “It’s ok to be normal and it’s ok to say no.” She also said that I listen to every one else’s problems, but don’t have anyone listening to mine. She assured me she’s willing to listen and that she’s praying for me.  We all need to be heard.  Lisa always listened to me. I miss her. 

That’s why I feel like the walking wounded. I’m up, moving, walking, talking and encouraging. Inside, I wish someone would just look at me and ask if I’m really ok. I wish someone would ask and have the time to listen to my answer.  At the same time, I don’t want to take up other people’s time with my problems, I know people have enough problems of their own.  But then I think , how many people are also walking wounded right around me.  

Life is Hard

Life is Hard
Weigh Down Workshop
Twenty one years ago, I moved to Maryland. I knew no one. I had done the same thing three years prior when I moved to Louisiana. It was fun. I knew I was supposed to be in both places. I knew I was obeying God’s direction in my life.

Not long after I arrived in Maryland, the church I attend offered a weight loss seminar call the Weigh Down Workshop. After talking with the leader, I decided to attend. It was a small group that consisted of folks from various local churches. All of us overweight. All of us Christians. All of us willing to try to lose weight using this new technique. I looked at the group and saw friends. That was 20+ years ago. I’m still friends with only one person from this group. She became my best friend. Her name was Lisa Mele.
Over the years, Lisa and I would do various things together. We started by walking the track at the high school. Remember we met at a weight loss group. Her son was a baby. She would push the stroller and we’d lap the football field. We’d talk about the weight loss strategies and how it connected to the Bible. Or we’d talk about scriptures we read that week. Or just share crazy or silly things that happened to us.
We started going to Women of Faith weekends. They used to always be in DC. We had so much fun together there. The last one we attended a few years back we decided to stay in Silver Springs and take the train in. We were staying only a couple blacks away from the train station so we walked over to the station. Crammed in the train and we were on our way. After the event, we piled into the train, it was packed! We had to stand. When the train started, Lisa wasn’t holding on and fell into the guys behind us. Needless to say she was embarrassed. We disembark the train and realize we never should have walked. It’s hot! It’s dark! We’re alone! We start walking and Lisa says, “Did you call Dave and tell him we are on the way?” Confused and befuddled I said no and she urged me to call him and tell him we were on the way back. So I did. He was confused too. Turns out Lisa thought we were being followed and had seen on Oprah that this was a safety strategy to fend off attackers.
We started reading books together. One of them was the Yada Yada Prayer Group. Crazy stuff starting happening. One night we were out for Ladies Night with Maple View together. We had just dropped off Barb and we’re about to turn on route 7 when the side door of the van opened and a woman jumped in and told us to take her home. So we did. She lived behind Giant, needless to say we were a bit anxious. Yet God provided. We made it there and back safely. Of course we drove the entire way with our windows down in case the lady decided to attack us. Afterwards we talked about how its  was just like in the book.
We went to a Beth Moore conferences. Once we even went to a Joyce Meyers conference, where well intentioned women tried to get us to speak in tongues. God Bless them, I was never more uncomfortable in my life. But Lisa knew what to do, she prayed quietly, then just hugged the women praying over her.
Lisa always knew what to do. She was my go to for, “is this appropriate?” Or “how long can chicken sit out before you throw it away?” “Is it ok, to wear pants to a wedding?” “Can I wear sneakers at my wedding?”
I miss you my friend.